How To Annoy The Signs & Their Rulers

Aries: Brag about your new thing, patronize them with it, and ignore them once their temper tantrum starts.

Taurus: Take their favorite possession and then just stare at them blankly.

Gemini: Tell them you know something they don’t, and laugh about it 😀

Cancer: Tell them they don’t look so well…are those hives on your face?

Leo: Don’t laugh at their jokes and ignore them

Virgo: Rearrange whatever it is they have in chronological order…rearrange their books by genre instead of author’s name 🙂

Libra: Simply just go from one extreme to the other and then DEMAND they make a DECISION right NOW!

Scorpio: Treat them exactly the same way they treat you…like a stepping stone.

Sagittarius: Tell them to sit quietly and still.

Capricorn: Simply laugh at things that aren’t funny and have lots of fun while they are being a bore.

Aquarius: Tell them you just heard the most unusual of noises outside their window. Pull up lawn chair and binoculars and watch them try to find the flying saucer that was never there.

Pisces: Tell them you don’t believe anything they are telling you and then let them know you drank all their alcohol.

 

Aries ruler Mars/Ares(God of War)

Taurus ruler Venus/Aphrodite(Goddess of Love & Beauty)but it is said Taurus true ruler is Pan-Horus(Pan the God of Shepard’s & Flocks; Horus the Sky God)

Gemini ruler Mercury/Hermes(Messenger God)

Cancer ruler the Moon

Leo ruler the Sun

Virgo ruler Mercury/Hermes(Messenger God)but it is said Virgo ‘s true ruler is Vulcan/Hephaestus(God of Fire & Weapons)

Libra ruler Venus/Aphrodite(Goddess of Love & Beauty)

Scorpio ruler Pluto/Hades(God of the Underworld)

Sagittarius ruler Jupiter/Zeus(Ruler of the GODS & Lightning)

Capricorn ruler Saturn/Cronus(God of Agriculture)

Aquarius ruler Uranus(Sky God)

Pisces ruler Neptune/Poseidon(God of the Sea & Earthquakes)

Dark Side of the Signs

Today I decide to take out one of my old astrology books; I needed a laugh, so I took out Born On A Rotten Day: Illuminating and Coping with the Dark Side of the Zodiac. The first time I read this book I was in Barnes & Noble cracking up with tears running down my face. I brought the book and I think it’s by far one of the better astrology books out there. So, here is some insight on the signs. I do hope you enjoy this; remember it’s all in jest

Aries: Selfish, Bossy, and Aggressive.
Taurus: Hardheaded, Stubborn, and Emotional Manipulator.
Gemini: Flighty, Inconsistent, and Aggressive.
Cancer: Moody, Bossy, and Emotional Manipulator.
Leo: Selfish, Stubborn, and Aggressive.
Virgo: Hardheaded, Inconsistent, and Emotional Manipulator.
Libra: Flighty, Bossy, and Aggressive.
Scorpio: Moody, Stubborn, and Emotional Manipulator.
Sagittarius: Selfish, Inconsistent, and Aggressive.
Capricorn: Hardheaded, Bossy, and Emotional Manipulator.
Aquarius: Flighty, Stubborn, and Aggressive.
Pisces: Moody, Inconsistent, and emotional manipulator.

Aries Man: Egotistical, temperamental, self righteous…you will always be wrong because he is always right, you better look good while being wrong.

Aries Woman: Competitive, self-centered, jealous…please, understand she is FIRST in everything and you are only second and not as good as her.

Taurus Woman: Martyr, violent, emotionally deprived…her love of comfort will be shown once the engagement ring no longer fits on what was a dainty little hand at one point.

Taurus Man: Insensitive, militant, cheap…he will expect his dinner every day and snacks…his wallet is just as fat as his waist line.

Gemini Woman: Promiscuous, gossiper, and shallow…this is the woman who will charm your pants off and then expect you to change your ways to suits her.

Gemini Man: Calculating, lies for the fun of it, unfaithful…this is the kind of man you have as a fling and never bring home to dad unless of course you want your dad to shoot him dead.

Cancer Woman: Emotional blackmail, controlling, emotional eater…she might seem like a fragile little sea goddess but you remember the sirens of the Greek mythologies don’t you?

Cancer Man: Mama’s boy until he dies, emotionally dramatic, clingy(stalker)…you better love his mom and you better know how to handle his never ending mood swings…I hope you are a psychic as well.

Leo Woman: She is queen, she finds herself amusing, demands luxuries…you better be rich if you want this bright star all for yourself.

Leo Man: Center of attention(ALWAYS), vain, exaggerated…if this is the man for you be ready to fawn all over him night and day..word to the wise don’t expect the same in return..he is King and you are but a peasant.

Virgo Man: Chauvinist, predictable, critical…this is the man of routine and he is not one to argue with…he remembers everything…God, help you if you can’t keep up

Virgo Woman: Nitpicker, critical, perfectionist….please, make sure you are bathed, well-dressed, and have brain power for this woman…being alone is not a problem for her.

Libra Man: Master of double talking, superficial, self-obsessed….his charm will have you so captivated you won’t see him charming your best friend.

Libra Woman: Can’t make a decision for their lives, shopaholic, in love with themselves….she wants the best in life and you better hope you are in fact the best in life.

Scorpio Man: Power hungry, possessive, and jealous….don’t make this man jealous on purpose; it won’t be a pretty sight for you and alone is where you will be with this man.

Scorpio Woman: Manipulator, depressive, scandalous….if you have no job, don’t worry, she will provide one for you and make sure you reach the top of the company.

Sagittarius Man: Always in heat, impulsive, explosive temper…please make sure you have a life of your own and don’t expect for him to change his lifestyle to suit yours.

Sagittarius Woman: Foot-in-the-mouth disease, lazy, exaggerated personality…please have a maid on hand if you plan on making a life with this woman.

Capricorn Man: Arrogant, prude, frugal…do as he says and all will be well with this man.

Capricorn Woman: Diva, snob, no sense of humor…impress her with your check book or be left behind.

Aquarius Man: Detached, paranoid, mental torture…are the rides this man will convince you to take.

Aquarius Woman: Unpredictable, shocking, and independent….you will never know who you are in love with from day to day.

Pisces Man: Emotional black hole, self-destructive, alcoholic…think twice before giving your heart away to this man.

Pisces Woman: Queen of nagging….if you fall in love with her be ready to have a therapist at hand.

The Signs

The Cardinals signs:
1) Aries=Natural born leader.
2) Cancer= A understanding leader.
3) Libra=A fair leader.
4) Capricorn: Wisest of leaders.

The Fixed Signs:
1)Taurus= Handles your home and finances.
2)Leo= Corrects the drama in your life.
3)Scorpio= Corrects or enhances your fear of love.
4)Aquarius= Corrects your normalness and rigidity.

The Mutable Signs:
1)Gemini= Will NOT adapt to you; you must adapt to them.
2)Virgo= Will adapt only if there is reason and no emotional nonsense.
3)Sagittarius= Will adapt to you but they DEMAND the same from you.
4)Pisces= Will be ONE with you; don’t make them regret it though….

Love

Aries loves as if it was the first time all over again♥

Taurus love is sensual♥

Gemini’s love is double the pleasure or double the heart ache♥♥

Cancer’s love is nurturing with slight touch of crazy♥

With Leo you will always be their bright spot in their immense hearts♥

Virgo’s love is giving and warm♥

Libra will romanticize your heart♥

Scorpio penetrates your heart ♥

Sagittarius gives freedom and intellect in love♥

A Capricorn will always give you the best in love♥

An Aquarius gives you friendship with love♥

A Pisces love is gentle and imaginative♥

A little something for the signs

Aries stands the tallest and proudest of them all.

Taurus is patient and strong…please, tread carefully…those horns are powerful.

Gemini the most misunderstood sign is really the most loyal of all…just don’t get them bored…you have been WARNED!

Cancer’s love is calm and gentle until their fears take over; watch out for the claws!

A Leo’s heart is as big as their roar.

Virgo the bachelor of the signs, being picky can be tricky.

Libra recognizes love but Libra must learn not to fall in love with love.

Scorpio knows when you lie. Their sting is no lie. They are the voodoo sign of the zodiac.

Sagittarius is always seeking the truth but the truth is within them.

Capricorn who understands their heart and mind = Sea Goat who everyone seeks.


Aquarius lives in the future with a beautifully blended past & present.


Pisces swims against their own emotions.