Today I decide to take out one of my old astrology books; I needed a laugh, so I took out Born On A Rotten Day: Illuminating and Coping with the Dark Side of the Zodiac. The first time I read this book I was in Barnes & Noble cracking up with tears running down my face. I brought the book and I think it’s by far one of the better astrology books out there. So, here is some insight on the signs. I do hope you enjoy this; remember it’s all in jest
Aries: Selfish, Bossy, and Aggressive.
Taurus: Hardheaded, Stubborn, and Emotional Manipulator.
Gemini: Flighty, Inconsistent, and Aggressive.
Cancer: Moody, Bossy, and Emotional Manipulator.
Leo: Selfish, Stubborn, and Aggressive.
Virgo: Hardheaded, Inconsistent, and Emotional Manipulator.
Libra: Flighty, Bossy, and Aggressive.
Scorpio: Moody, Stubborn, and Emotional Manipulator.
Sagittarius: Selfish, Inconsistent, and Aggressive.
Capricorn: Hardheaded, Bossy, and Emotional Manipulator.
Aquarius: Flighty, Stubborn, and Aggressive.
Pisces: Moody, Inconsistent, and emotional manipulator.
Aries Man: Egotistical, temperamental, self righteous…you will always be wrong because he is always right, you better look good while being wrong.
Aries Woman: Competitive, self-centered, jealous…please, understand she is FIRST in everything and you are only second and not as good as her.
Taurus Woman: Martyr, violent, emotionally deprived…her love of comfort will be shown once the engagement ring no longer fits on what was a dainty little hand at one point.
Taurus Man: Insensitive, militant, cheap…he will expect his dinner every day and snacks…his wallet is just as fat as his waist line.
Gemini Woman: Promiscuous, gossiper, and shallow…this is the woman who will charm your pants off and then expect you to change your ways to suits her.
Gemini Man: Calculating, lies for the fun of it, unfaithful…this is the kind of man you have as a fling and never bring home to dad unless of course you want your dad to shoot him dead.
Cancer Woman: Emotional blackmail, controlling, emotional eater…she might seem like a fragile little sea goddess but you remember the sirens of the Greek mythologies don’t you?
Cancer Man: Mama’s boy until he dies, emotionally dramatic, clingy(stalker)…you better love his mom and you better know how to handle his never ending mood swings…I hope you are a psychic as well.
Leo Woman: She is queen, she finds herself amusing, demands luxuries…you better be rich if you want this bright star all for yourself.
Leo Man: Center of attention(ALWAYS), vain, exaggerated…if this is the man for you be ready to fawn all over him night and day..word to the wise don’t expect the same in return..he is King and you are but a peasant.
Virgo Man: Chauvinist, predictable, critical…this is the man of routine and he is not one to argue with…he remembers everything…God, help you if you can’t keep up
Virgo Woman: Nitpicker, critical, perfectionist….please, make sure you are bathed, well-dressed, and have brain power for this woman…being alone is not a problem for her.
Libra Man: Master of double talking, superficial, self-obsessed….his charm will have you so captivated you won’t see him charming your best friend.
Libra Woman: Can’t make a decision for their lives, shopaholic, in love with themselves….she wants the best in life and you better hope you are in fact the best in life.
Scorpio Man: Power hungry, possessive, and jealous….don’t make this man jealous on purpose; it won’t be a pretty sight for you and alone is where you will be with this man.
Scorpio Woman: Manipulator, depressive, scandalous….if you have no job, don’t worry, she will provide one for you and make sure you reach the top of the company.
Sagittarius Man: Always in heat, impulsive, explosive temper…please make sure you have a life of your own and don’t expect for him to change his lifestyle to suit yours.
Sagittarius Woman: Foot-in-the-mouth disease, lazy, exaggerated personality…please have a maid on hand if you plan on making a life with this woman.
Capricorn Man: Arrogant, prude, frugal…do as he says and all will be well with this man.
Capricorn Woman: Diva, snob, no sense of humor…impress her with your check book or be left behind.
Aquarius Man: Detached, paranoid, mental torture…are the rides this man will convince you to take.
Aquarius Woman: Unpredictable, shocking, and independent….you will never know who you are in love with from day to day.
Pisces Man: Emotional black hole, self-destructive, alcoholic…think twice before giving your heart away to this man.
Pisces Woman: Queen of nagging….if you fall in love with her be ready to have a therapist at hand.